10/09/07
walking fast

my grandmother used to be a fast walker. likewise, i think i might have inherited her genes, [genes for speed walking?] as my wonderful team mates can testify. when i was a child, both mum and dad worked so my grandmother took care of my sister and me. i used to have to semi-jog beside her whenever she took me to my daycare center, because my tiny short legs simply cannot catch up with her long brisk purposeful strides.

then one day when i was in kindergarden, dad said,
"ling, ah jia3 ["grandmother" in hakka] dai ne qu xue xiao shi, bu yao luan pao, ta lao le zui bu shang."

i didnt think much of it then, and obeyed. but there was this sense that something was changing. where did all the years between i-needing-to-catch-up-with-her and she-needing-to-catch-up-with-me-in-order-to-make-sure-i-didnt-fall-and-hurt-myself go?
when we were children, the image we had of our loved ones was that they never change and that they will always be there for us, to provide that safe environment in which we find security.






|jav| 11:39 PM|

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09/09/07
minute after morning coffee

dynamic equilibrium: occurs in a reversible reaction when both forward rate and backward rate are equal but not zero.
every day millions of cells in our bodies self-destruct and die, but we're alive and healthy because there are even more that are duplicating and growing.
forward rate > backward rate: we live on.
so we move on, run on, sprint on, constantly conscious of the dark backward force that is opposing our journey. fear perhaps. apathy, lack of courage, disillusionment and procrastination.

the truth is, at the end of the day, we're fighting against the other person we could have become.


|jav| 10:12 AM|

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07/09/07
"Java update available
A new version of Java is ready to be installed!"

maybe if i click the pop-up i'll feel brand new instantly. all ready and filled with anticipation to ditch the old Java and embrace the new and exciting.

im the only one in the family who truly enjoys strawberries. the smell of those red things reminds me of deep blue skies, fresh crisp air and dew coated grass in mornings. pure bliss, dip those in sugar or just wash and eat them as they are. i always feel special when dad brings home a box, cos i know he knows that im going to be the only one who eats them in the end. i do appreciate the fact that he did think of me when he saw the strawberries.

i told muddy all that when we had some fruit conversation. that dear girl bought some for me on my birthday and the strawberries were the most perfect things i've ever seen. really. [i took a photo of them sitting in the box before candera asked for one. haha]
ok, here comes the confession: they looked so pretty that i only had one, and couldnt bear to eat the rest of them. they were left in the fridge, greeted with my smile whenever i opened the fridge door and had a look at them. of course gradually, nature took its course, and mum had to toss the box of mouldy strawberries in the bin.

sunshine in a box.
thanks again, muddy :DD


|jav| 11:25 PM|

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06/09/07
"What'll we do with ourselves this afternoon?" cried Daisy, "and the day after that, and the next thirty years?"

the Gatsby in my head wears a dark suit and a bright yellow shirt, and he juggles brass clocks in his hands with a faraway smile on his face. up and down the clocks move in the air, half-suspended by the colossal vitality of his illusion.

his illusion that eventually leads to his death. that is exactly the redeeming value that makes him great isnt it? how many of us can proudly proclaim to own a dream that becomes such a motivation?
i hadnt appreciated that creative passion that went into creating his dream, molding and crafting to perfection the image that he holds on so tightly. but im beginning to see the greatness behind it.

he is so vulnerable, yet he is untouchable above and beyond his surroundings. he didnt become them. in the face of societal pressure, he rises above the superficiality of it all and remains honest to his dream.

av and i never did dance on the roof top terrace of esplanade in our pjs.


|jav| 7:17 PM|

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