26/06/07
and i would run away, i would run awayone day, i'll pack and run away.
i'll dye my hair red, assume another identity and have adventures.
i'll go for a skydiving course, be a skydiving instructor and experience the thrill of seeing other people's first-times. and make a living from leaping off a plane. i'll live in an apartment and paint my walls a cheery yellow. i'll have a world-map stuck on the yellow walls and plan the sequence in which i can tick off the places i visit. i'll go for long long runs on weekends and bake my own bread. i'll have a pet goldfish and potted plants on the windowstill. i'll make friends with the grandmothers in the neighbourhood, they'll smell of warm cookies and wool and teach me knitting. i'll sit curled up in the balcony in the evenings, with a hot steaming mug of coffee in my hands, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on my skin and generally feeling super glad i'm alive. wind-chimes will tinkle in the wind in semi-darkness. i'll go for long drives to nowhere at unearthy hours, i'll stare sleepily at stars and think about heaven. i'll have cooking experiments, write a book of recipes and send it to friends. i'll get a kiln and go for pottery classes. i'll volunteer at a special school, i'll hold small childish hands, laugh with them and think about their world. i'll learn to play a guitar very well, so i can put on a disguise and bask in crowded streets, just to know how it feels like to be a performer and audience at the same time. i'll pick up photography. i'll learn how to skii, ice-skate, and make perfect snow angels. i'll have my super duper hi-tech coffee machine. i'll come up with a reading list and movies list and stick through them. i'll start writing a song but never complete it because i'll keep changing the lyrics.
|jav| 7:06 PM|
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12/06/07
it's all the little little things that warm my heart when i think about them. little little drops of affection, funny stories and all their quirks and idiosyncrasies that add up to something bigger, something that holds more meaning than i can ever know right now.
the journey is ending soon,
do you remember the songs that we sang between pyramids?
the beautiful sky we ran under till it got too dark to see 5 steps in front of us?
or the stars after another grueling but satisfying training?
yup, love gives us strength, hope and the fighting will to keep going going going strong.
last burst, lets finish it well!
|jav| 8:07 AM|
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07/06/07
rain
once, when i was little, dad bought me pink candy floss on a white paper cone. rain drops were beginning to fall then, and we were waiting at the traffic lights. he picked me up in his arms and raced towards a nearby bridge. i stared at the sky, eyes traced the falling rain before it landed as tiny dark pink spots in my gigantic cloud of candy floss. the road whizzed past. i felt as if i was at the top of the world.
i ran away from mum after we got off the bus. it was something she did not said or do, and it was something i didnt want to understand. frustrated, i stomped my way through the pouring rain that fell like pellets, delibrately splashing in huge puddles. hot tears streamed down my face, but they disappeared with the cold cold rain.
we were so young and carefree then, finding a sense of home and belonging in each others' company. that day dark clouds gathered and the afternoon light grew just a shade dimmer. soon raindrops fell. giggling, we ran out, exhilaration running through our veins as we danced wildly, madly in the rain. we shivered after that, but i saw the same joy and warmth in my heart shining brightly in all of your eyes.
it was drizzling lightly when we began rowing back from 1k mark. feeble sun rays from the late afternoon sun offered faint warmth on our skin. tiny raindrops were dancing tentatively on the surface of the water. a gust of wind blew and we stumbled. light was robbed by grey ominous clouds and rain started emptying itself in sheets. my heart leapt at the deafening sound of rain pelting our boat. the dance on water became a full time frenzy, of innumerable pearly luminous drops beating against the greater surface. they fell and shattered and sang. i must have caught a glimpse of perfect beauty.
|jav| 9:11 PM|
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02/06/07
the NO momentfrom one of the more exhilarating 500s muddy and i did during training today:
the NO moment arrives when another boat is uncomfortably close to yours nearing the end. nope, it does not happen when everyone is preparing at the start line when all eyes are glued to the race lines. that's for prayer. nope, it does not even begin to happen when you burst off, flying past the first 2-3 buoys in a blur. that's for yelling for strength from God. the ultimate NO moment arrives when you're at the last 3rd buoy when another boat is dangerously close to yours. uncomfortably close, in fact. when the tip of the next boat refuses to move out from the front rower's peripheral vision.[that would be mine]
then in your head [preferably in sync with your partner] a loud shout goes,
"NO! I WONT LET THEM! NOT TODAY!"
you sit up a little straighter, your shoulders relax a tad further, your arms reach out a little more and your torso twists a little harder. the burning lactic sensation in your lower body dissolves, your eyes narrow, zoomed in on the last two finishing buoys. you pull a little harder [in fact, at this point, with all that you've got], you recover a little faster, you pant a little louder. the yelling for strength from God becomes a full time shriek in your head.
And then you're off.
|jav| 9:20 PM|
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