30/05/07
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.

today was a hilarious day! *points at elisa and her rainbow boy*
thinking about it all over again gave me a sort of warmth glow from within, so so thankful for this bunch of special people, thankful for being where i am right now. knowing myself, there will be days when i want to just lie in bed and not move a single muscle but accomplishing God's will requires each of us to go out, work and rely on His strength. i also realise today with a surprise [rather pleasant one, in fact] that i really am not afraid anymore. of nationals, of the days left till then. maybe a huge part of me has finally given it all up to Him, and taking one training at a time to improve.

my poor face feels like some over-stretched piece of old plastic left out too long in the sun.
ok, wont be making any sense soon.

this is the conclusion i've come to: when everything's been said and done, i want to look back and know in my heart that i could never have done it without You.


|jav| 11:37 PM|

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26/05/07
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
Time after time

"I'm a Raffles Canoeist.
I say this with pride and joy because in the course of the past year it has become part of me, giving meaning to the things that are important to me. I found my first love, the joy of movement, the sheer exhilaration of action that is altogether intoxicating. I found courage, strength and immense determination in the eyes of my team mates, as we trained together towards a common goal. I've seen disappointment, but also witnessed the will that rises stronger than ever with every obstacle. i have come to a realisation that the process of dancing near the point of breaking is painful, but pain is never insurmountable. I have found friendship and strength in 11 other people which has tided me through the times when self-doubt and the all-consuming sense of inadequacy surfaced. I have found strength in God and in a team after many struggles to find it in myself."

im learning, now more than ever, that i dont have to get up from bed when i least feel like it with the need to pep talk myself to pushing my all during trainings. He's constantly around me, and He knows. He has given the ultimate sacrifice of His Son, so what's strength to Him? i'm strong, not because of the things we do in gym, nor the team runs, but because i carry around with me the greatest source of power and might ever imagined.


|jav| 10:43 PM|

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09/05/07
sometimes i tremble at the foot of the pull-up bar, staring at it afraid of all the possible 'what-ifs'. shuddering in the seat of Steamy, feeling the whole weight of hitting another faster timing, another good row dragging heavily down on my shoulders.

but we can only remain so small struggling alone with our anxieties and fears.
i want to row for God, to place my faith inexplicably and unshakingly on Him. that the belief would grow from something that's 'head knowledge', to 'heart truth'. i row, cos it's out there in the water where i've found joy at it's most sublimed form. it's out there where i've raged so furiously against my inadequacies and lack of strength, but it's also out there where i've found comfort, patience, and grace.His.


|jav| 9:13 PM|

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