25/06/06
saying thanksdear Lord, thank you for the angels you've sent to remind me that you're always with me. be it an old email from a friend which ive accidentally [or perhaps not?] stumbled across while clearing my mail, kind words or well needed laughter.
to my dear dear canoemates, heartfelt thanks. you guys are one of the most amazing people ive ever met; your unwavering dedication, unfaltering faith in all that we're doing, strength and inspiration never fail to touch me and keep me going when exhaustion and burning out hits. RAFFLES ROW all the way!!
to old friends, my apologies for absence during this period of time. i know i havent always been there as much as i'd prefer to, but your friendship remains important to me and will be something i hold dear. thanks for being there for me in the past. :)
random strangers [includes the little boy on the bus who put a smile on my very tired face]: yes, thank you too for distracting me from my problems, for showing me there's some beauty left in the world after all, however momentarily.
to my family members, thanks for understanding my long long absence from home and undisputable love for me.
i still maintain that happiness is a choice. X)
|jav| 11:51 PM|
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. -Archie Griffen, two-time Heisman winner ( 5ft 9)watch out hc monsters!
It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself. -Muhammad Ali Perhaps the single most important element in mastering the techniques and tactics of racing is experience. But once you have the fundamentals, acquiring the experience is a matter of time. -Greg LeMond reminder to not be impatient and discouraged
To succeed...You need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you. -Tony Dorsett canoemates, succintly put.
The principle is competing against yourself. It's about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before. -Steve Young about focus!
|jav| 12:50 PM|
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19/06/06
gradually the task of being brave, of being strong, of being responsible and disciplined and sensible loses its lustre and in its place, a dull ugly burden. heavy with weariness and longings for escape. sticky, suffocating with expectations, it clings. it binds. is it some sort of bull-headed, stubborn persistence or wilful tossing of the ever-diminishing hopes that 'it will get better, you'll find your way' that is keeping me from screaming out loud, from running away?
i cant see the lights anymore. did i stare too long such that they've blended into the dark or had i take my eyes of them?
dear Lord, i need You. please stay with me.
|jav| 9:56 AM|
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13/06/06
we are fallible. sometimes, we get scared, we lose our confidence, we feel defeated, we feel despair and frustration, we crumble, we lose our sense of direction because all we see at that moment of panic is a dead end. and because of all this, we're blinded. we fail to see Your love for us. You were there with me, every step of the way, on those awful trainings. You were there with me when i raged inside for all the disappointments and let downs. You were also there when i felt powerful, felt as if i was flying across the water. i just forgot.
dear Lord this is my promise to you, that i would never turn away and find peace in your embrace.all glory to You! :))
|jav| 10:17 PM|
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09/06/06
life has fallen into a routine lately. trainstudyeatrest. notice the four are stuck together without any space in between? not necessary in that order, with 'eat' repeated more times between 'train', 'study' and 'rest' but that has been my life. for now. no time for anything else. i think i might be studying more than i ever did for the past semester. maybe that's why im studying so much now.
ok javine stop rambling.
at this state of wakeful exhaustion; feeling so so mentally drained but cant seem to get any rest. when i close my eyes i start thinking about.. alkenes. yikes. HAHA
during one of those space out moments today while studying, i thought about friends. the ones whom you share a rapport with, the ones who truly know you inside out, share the same kind of thoughts, ones whom you dont mind holding/gripping your hand while you bawl your lungs out, ones whom you can indulge with in a comfortable silence, ones whom you can decide whether or not to delve into 'heavy' issues or mindless banter, ones who wont try to answer all your questions because they dont try to pretend to know everything..
miss you jan. i miss talking to you :P
michelle chee said that im a sensible person. i told her there's this constant conflict between the 2% logic/sensibility and the remaining 98% of rash/wild impulses/recklessness but fortunately or unfortunately, the 2% usually wins. hopefully, this 2% will not fail me for the next 2 weeks or so.
fighting an increasingly challenging battle against.. exhaustion and boredom.
cmon java FOCUS.
|jav| 11:04 PM|
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