31/10/04
bleah.
9.45 on a sunday morning,sitting here thinking what to do for the rest of the day.
netball carn was ytd,wanted to pon but glad that i din in the end.we got 2nd!had a better look at cheryn-ann when all that catfight started with nicole.have to beware of 306/406 next year.
girls [esp the bitchy ones]
hold their grudges well.
ate at scotts then broke up to window shop.andden met and ate dinner with the few remaining pple[10 of us]at one of the staircases at taka fountain,thus attracted lots of attention since nearly all of us were wearing our class-tee.it was pretty funny tho.
which is so nice and funky.too bad manori handed in the tee design late.i reckon we would get 1st if it was in.no kidding.she told me that some guy was trying to read what's on my shirt at scotts.
went to cine and planned a bbq for the class.ive never spent so much time with my classmates before.went back home dead tired.
aaah *light bulb flashes*
cud go kino later..
|jav| 9:54 AM|
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28/10/04
follow me -uncle kracker [dumb name.]
You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singin'
[CHORUS]
Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cuz as long as no one knows than nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared
I'm singin'
[REPEAT CHORUS]
Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
You're better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray and
We'll be all right if you don't ask me to stay
[REPEAT CHORUS]
You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singin'
[REPEAT CHORUS]
cant get this song out of my head..
thanks van for accompanying me in search for paddle culture.you rock sia.
i declare
vanessa[saurus] tan jia xin is my most patient platoonmate:D
oh yah i found this short paragraph from a book:
"It's strange, I thought, how memories are like boats floating out from their anchors. They drift through the edges of our consciousness, unnoticed, unexamined, mere shadows, until we run across the thing to which they are anchored. Wrapping our hands around the ropes, we pull them to the dock again, and they are as clear and as real as if we had experienced then yesterday.
Memories can be anchored to anything-a person, a place, a taste, a scent, an object, a melody..."
the image of 12 old grannies just popped up into my head.*hehs*
|jav| 7:10 PM|
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26/10/04
hey bloggie.
funny how time trickles when you are waiting for something to happen.
went to watch wimbledon yesterday,cant say it was a great movie but i was touched by some of the scenes in it.
"i have to go i hate to let you down but i cant stop now ive got troubles of my own"
this is such an inspirational entry.
|jav| 5:07 PM|
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25/10/04
putting my entire sec3 yr into retrospection:
aww..had some great times as well as the bad ones.all the memorable starts,making new friends in a new class,obs,having chia as form tcher.bad times when i went thru that bumpy patch w av,those times when i felt depressed or alone.scary/stressed times over all those perf tasks and tests,mock specs and specs course and ord.first time preparing dinner for sec4s,[sad to say,last as well]learning how to handle the responsiblilty for the company,loving juniors in a different way,new and better relationship with platoonmates.sprained both ankles 3 times[and counting.hols are coming,still keeping my fingers crossed.],once just before mock specs,twice during and after specs.first time celebrating my birthday in camp.
so many things had happened and oh well.what can i say,time has the habit of slipping us by.
it was only until after the last paper when i realised with a shock that this was it.this was the ending of the sch yr,the yr when the sec3 cohort tasted the budding rp,[great switch from sec1 and 2 yrs]went thru all of our personal experiences and grew.yes i believe i grew up in a certain way.tho sometimes when i look at myself in the mirror i wasnt sure if that was what i want to be.there had been times when i felt as if i had given up on myself,caught in the rat race and being dragged along with the others.there also had been times when i was so thankful and glad that i was alive,surrounded with pple who are genuine,caring,understanding and kind.there had been times when i struggled,worked hard and was satisfied with the results i got,now come to think of it,i wish those times had been more frequent.then again,there are the times when the amt of effort simply does not show on the result.there are times when i was blissful or touched by a simple but thoughtful gesture of a classmate or pltmate.specs course when pltmates and i stuck together and chionged thru all that shit.all the words sec4s said to us,the effort they had put into us and love us.all those mornings when we were laughing..all those pumpings in the mornings..
it has certainly been a long yr.
thank you sec4s,for your guidance[gosh that sounds downright familar],ur love,ur effort,your tears,ur pride,ur patience and the hope you held for us.rest assured we'll do our very very best to lead the company where it still belongs-the very top.after all,you have been the best examples of seniors..
thank you 311 for being such a sweet and wonderful class.all of us know that we're special,that we're bound with this strong bond.pple recognise us as a class.thank you for toughing it out with me this yr,for all the nonsensical/amusing stuff which happened.[remember the pledge before math eoi?]and guess what?'throw physics to the dogs'!
thank you platoonmates.we've been thru so much together that i dont know where to start.we started off as petrified part cs at the beginning of this yr,stumbled,fell and then picked ourselves up along the way and here we are.thank you for all ur understanding,support and encouraging words along the way.tink we'll still be friends till we're toothless graying grannies..ha.just imagine.12 grannies sitting at some porch reminicsing and boasting abt the times when we did 3000 pushups or all the weird stuff we did in ncc..
thanks ma for waking me up every morning and preparing breakfast for me.i know i do yell at you a lot,but thanks for doing the things you did,the tiny yet essential things.thank you for listening to me when i wanted to tell you stuff at sch,for nagging at me to work hard and to clear up my desk.
thanks to all of you who have helped me along this yr,for being part of my precious memory of sec3 and part c life.
thank you.
|jav| 1:30 AM|
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24/10/04
hey bloggie
p h e w.exams are
finally over.
i know i should be sitting back now and say with some sort of satisfaction ,'ha.freedom never tasted so sweet.' freedom do taste sweet alright,but i cant help but feel a little at loss.before and during exams, i was like,ok go back home, take a lil break and jump straight to studying.now..what next?which book to pick up?
and loss, i guess, in the sense that i have nothing to do during the hols.nothing at all.felt a little sad when muddy called and ask me what are the dates when im free.i told her im available for the whole of the hols.absolutely free and available for 2 whole freaking months.she cudden believe it and yours truly had to repeat herself.
[mud:'what?are you sure?']
up for grabs anyone?take me by the hand take me somewhere new i dont know who you are but i..im with you..
ha.
jees.
|jav| 11:24 PM|
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13/10/04
darn the minute i got here i felt guilty.
out.
|jav| 4:17 PM|
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08/10/04
looks around* why am i still here?
gonna pull myself away,soon but not yet.
my thoughts keep slipping me by so here is one before it gets lost.i remembered the conversation between av and i on the way to canteen after philo on mon.we had a discussion in class on language,newspeak and oldspeak.newspeak refers to the abolishing of words such as religion,justice and pulling it under one big umbrella known as 'crimespeak'.this is used in some unknown political party as a propaganda.the logic here is:the abolishment of a certain word would lead to the abolishment of a concept.which is entriely not true.i shan put the entrie discussion here,will pick up the more interesting bits.
anyway,what interested me was the digression we had.dont know how we got there,but someone mentioned abt language being a medium in which pple communicate but no one can really know what you're meaning except by the universal meaning of the word.a clearer explanation would be,the word 'justice' to one might mean a tooth for a tooth,an eye for an eye, but it might mean being fair to another.[haha..which brings us to the next point, who is to say that law is the ultimate ruler for just/equality?it just contains lesser fallacies than other 'rulers'.]
then it dawned on me that it's incredibly difficult or nearly impossible for someone else to understand what you truly mean.sounds duh right.no doubt that language is a powerful tool of communication, but i feel that humans overused it and to others, this might be their only way of communication.well,i feel sorry for them.because the meanings of words are merely collected by dictionary writers[how to to call them?] based on universal meanings.how can you convey how u feel to someone using words?feelings,emotions of pple varies and comes with different combinations..so in a way,no one else in the entire world really knows you inside out.perhaps that's why pple live to find other pple who are close to understanding them.
|jav| 11:00 PM|
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hey bloggie
cant believe im typing,rather shamelessly, here at this time.definitely should be studying now.haven touched chem and chi.that spells dead w capital D.but.i just did 2 solid hrs of math and im gonna let my mind wander a bit before i start again.
*amused* java haggling with herself.
something downright embarrassing happened to me during tuition just now.i bet my whole class now thinks that im a loser.grr.ok,i have this habit of leaning back to stretch at tuition.and normally there's enough space for that.however,today, i din know that my table was pushed back by a lot so there werent much space at the back.yours truly here stretched and bang* i hit my head so hard on the wall that my hairband broke.major ouch.i hope i haven become more stupid.gosh,pls pls dont let my brain get all scrambled up.*rubs head
grr.i feel stupid.
i came back and saw a cockroach on the wall.i yelped a bit and told both ma and sis who were in the living room.[oh the roach was on a wall in the living room]ma just gave me a 'what's-the-big-deal' look.sis told me to shut up.[i was talking a bit too loudly.]with family members like them,i'll soon be living in the dump.but i was really amused;i mean,there is a big fat roach on the wall and my dearest nonchalant family members treated it like everyday sight...huk huk*
|jav| 10:44 PM|
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06/10/04
this huge realisation just dawned on me: i better start studying harder if i dont want my sorry ass get kicked out of sch.
you go gurl.
|jav| 4:29 PM|
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03/10/04
hey bloggie
my head hurts.
sniff sniff*[leaky noes.] din get much accomplished cos ive been moping arnd the hse w a terrible throat and headache since i woke up.
then again,it was noisan who woke me up w her phone call.had thot it was something to do w the [huge]misunderstanding i had earlier w pltmates but it turned out to be something more shocking.
i was hurt.i saw another part of a person i thought i know well;but obviously it was assumption on my part.i felt torn and beaten,full of guilt.so i shall apologise here even tho you might never ever get to see it.
im really sorry darling,for all the times when i had overlooked your capabilities and undermined your strength.for treating you as if you're invisble and making unreasonable judgement about you.i wish you cud speak up earlier,or have the courage to.frankly,i wud never ever know what and how you've been feeling about us..till..
maybe if we've been more understanding and patient,things would have turned out a lot better.but i do wish you consider the bigger picture before doing things you know you should't.and that you'll find it in you to put urself in other people's shoes,have a bigger heart to forgive and forget.i know i dont have to right to ask that of you since we're the ones who dont do that in the first place,but i hope you'll remember that i love you all the same and that you do matter a lot to me.
btw,outing w sec4s on sat turned out quite shit.really sorry sec4s.will make it up to you after your os i swear.[trip to east coast/sentosa?cooked lunch?cycling?]
ive come to a conclusion that out of all the earsticks/studs ive lost,30% of them is [un]found somewhere on my bed,50% in the bathroom and the rest of the 20% somewhere in vicinity of my desk at sch and/or remote areas in my hse.[i swear i bought at least 5 pairs of 'legal' earstuds but im left with a pair now.]and that for pple w [mickey mouse] ears like mine,it's fatal to have huge earholes and then wear earstuds to bed.cos i woke up with an almost square and definitely enlarged 2nd earhole[i have 5.oh in case you're wondering how come i ended up with a square earhole,cos that earstud almost went right thru my earhole.]ouch sia.
|jav| 11:30 PM|
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