30/01/04
hey bloggie..
taking a break from commonwealth essay.currently stuck at the conclusion.wanna make the ending nice.haha.nv knew i cud come out with 1500 words but at 1817 now.bad,how to conclude in 189 words?
jus hope the essay is relevent to the question.
going to 2 now.know that i shud have started yrs ago but muse only comes at nite.esp the nite before submission.haha.yah rite.;P
was feeling veh depressed this afternoon.thot abt carmen all the way home.thot abt what noisan had said.dunno what's going on anymore..
ahhhh..
mus have the strength.the willpower to make carmen come back.to tok to her.to not get mad at her[cos things will get worse.i can swear.]to understand what she might be feeling.
to put myself in her shoes.
bloody larhs.why mus things be so complicated?we're almost there already.1 plus more yrs.why cant shit happen after that.
cool it.
|jav| 2:00 AM|
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24/01/04
dear javine,
i tink u suck as a person.outwardly,u may feel goot abt urself,dishing out all the shit advices which u sometimes dun even believe in and u ought to wake up sometimes,u dreamer.u think everything else in the world gone wrong is not ur fault,and everything bad that happens to u is somebody else's fault.
the problem is java,u put too much blame on pple.
keep cool woman before finding fault or look for a quick escape.
urs truly,
conscience
whoa.trust ur goot ol' conscience.i absolutely agree.
|jav| 4:38 PM|
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lalala....
so many thots rumbling and thumping arnd in my head
but refuse to join,make sense and come out as words
oh wells.
|jav| 4:49 AM|
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22/01/04
u jus gotta take ur hat off sometimes..have this friend,quite irritating to be honest,who talks abt herself all the time..at first i din know what abt her which had annoyed me,but another friend finally told me that she likes talking abt herself.starting her sentences wid,'i..'fact finally proven when she started chatting with me on msn.of course that conversation din last partially because she had to go after 5 min,but the main reason was,she was having a monologue.
opps.am i bitching abt someone else.
haha..no dat's not what i meant,it's jus this interesting piece of information i discovered-nv ever talk too much abt urself.tho ur self-centerness tends to go 'me,me,me',u still have to spare a thought for the rest and make urself less annoying for the humanity.ain that called living wid the rest.still have to satisfy the egos of the others.i mean,dun u feel goot when pple starts talking abt u and are concern abt u.
oh wells.im jus bored.and talking.and thinking..
reminder to self:go ez on the goodies..
reminder to rest:noisan,dun think so much and have a goot rest..ming,dun worry so much cos things will work out in the end.nid to be pyscho-ed more,come look for me.robbos,dun stress too much abt the production cos i cant bear to see ur weary face:)vans,try to stay at peace with the rest of the world,dun make things too hard for them:)ning,dun stress too much on the things to come like specs course,im sure everything will work out in the end as well.and as for the relationship with sec4s,give it time..go ez on urself gurl.
yups.
|jav| 10:39 AM|
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21/01/04
things are changing in the platoon.things ain the same as before,heading for the worst.
when was the initial decline?mebbe after exams last yr.everything's so so dead,stoned.
carmen is leaving us..she has changed ever since being in psb.wid new friends and undoubtly new life.i miss her.
a lot of unpleasant things are happening to our pltmates.unhappy environment to be in.
i dunno why im talking in fragments but my brain is turning mush.dunno wat to think anymore.
when has being wid pmates annoying.when has it even started.when have i last felt as if i nid to get away frm them to breathe.that thought has been occuring frequently lately.when have we started being away and happy,losing that dependence of pmates.when have we started being un-understanding and selfish.
im so sick of caring.to hell wid problems/troubles.
jus not now.
|jav| 6:20 PM|
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18/01/04
heya..firstly nid to correct one typo mistake which will sound veh weird if u duno what im toking abt..
ok this part abt using 'our' watches pegs to build our basha..what i meant was other watches pegs..kurt and marshall's..
some songs we sang while kayaking
the tide is high but im holding on
im gonna be ur number one
im not the kinda gurl who gives up jus like dat
oh no..
i'll go down wid this ship[kayak]
i wun put my hands[paddles] up in surrender
there will bo no white flag above my door[kayak]
im in love and always will be
every time u cry,
save up all ur tears
i will be ur rainbow
when they disappear
wash away the pain,
till u smile again
i will be ur laughter in ur eyes
every time u cry
evertime i kiss i feel ur lips
and everytime i cry i see ur eyes
and everytime i close my eyes
i realize..
u treat me like a rose
u give me room to grow
u shone a light of love on me
and gave me air so i can breathe
u open doors i close
in the world where everything goes
u gimme strength so i stand tall
within this bed of love
jus like a rose
the smile on ur face
i cant hardly believe it
the look in ur eyes says you're never leave me
the touch of ur hands says u'll catch me
wherever i fall
u said it best..when u say nothing at all..
we were strangers,starting out on a journey
never dreaming what we have to go thru
now here we are
and im suddenly standing,at the beginning with you
and life is a road and i wanna keep going
love is a river and i wanna keep flowing
life is a road now and forever
wonderful journey
i'll be there when the world stop turning
i'll be there when the storm is thru
in the end i wanna be standing
at the beginning with you
yah..this are some of the songs we sang to keep us sane while we were kayaking..for me,kayaking is nothing much physical cos [not to be ego] i can manage the paddles,it's more of the mental part..it can get frustrating,kayaking and kayaking with the kayak bobbling arnd in the sea and water everywhere..and even if 'the tide is high',u jus have to keep going and worst if u are paddling against the current..
wells hamsie..im glad we made it in the end...yeah baby:)
munshi rox my sox!!![mind:it's moon-shi.not man-shi or mon-shi]
i miss u selamat,our shy but always-there instructor..smirk smirk*faints*[hahahahaha..it's an inside joke btw.]
|jav| 7:29 PM|
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17/01/04
finally back frm obs..haha,not trying to say that obs is a bad thing-miss all the stuff we do together and our veh shy selamat,but i need to get my life back in order..
wanna write abt obs but duno where to start..get to know a lot more pple,test my limits[yeah baby..never thot i cud kayak 12 km.]and basically put myself beyond my comfort zone.[expedition day-slping without showering and wid dried up salt from the sea was umcomfortable.but somehow my hair is becoming softer..results from the salt?]
when we knew we had resi,most of us are pretty disappointed,but at the end of the week,we thanked the lucky stars..like i said earlier,slping without showering,the cold in the nite and all the insects are intoleratable..[mann i sound like a guniang..insects and the salt is fine for me..but i was shivering-literally- in the nite..jan said she had to flick off two insects while slping..gross or wat.]food in the cook hse was erm.detoxicing..without salt nor sugar..haha..soup=water,oil and a few unidentified pieces of veg floating..
we did high element stuff like climbing this tripod thingie..the ladder was pretty scary..and rockclimbing which was kinda boring since we did it liaos..for the most part of the camp was kayaking,kayaking and more kayaking..we learnt capsize drill,how to steer and all the basic stuff on wed and thurs was our sea ex day..paddled from ubin to sambawang,beach up to stay overnite then kayak the shorter route back to ubin..dawn paddled back to ubin,we saw the sun rise..not like the sunrise in spore we're talking abt but this orange ball rising up in the sky..like a yolk..was so beautiful..
obs brought out the best and undoubtly the worst in all of us,i think my worst part going back and unpacking..i was so tired and snappy..everyone arnd me was like,jav,are u ok but i was jus plain tired and a lil irritated..oh no right..saw anna and the rest doing and unpacking and i felt so so bad..in the nite was more horrible,din help to pack up the stuff to go back at all,froze up and jus lay next to jan listening to her sing and look at the stars..the feeling of homesick was jus too terrible..yups,we forgot to bring the pegs so we had to make use of our watches pegs to build out basha..basha wasn big enuff so i slept in the open on the groundsheet for the first part of the nite..the sky was clear and the stars were twinkling..
|jav| 8:51 PM|
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11/01/04
obs tomolo.cant believe i jus took arnd 45 min to pack.pro eh..haha.after all those camps.hehs.
a bit of anticipation..being in sec3,yet having a so-called orientation is different from sec1s orientation.quite duh since the most obvious reason is,definitely i know more pple now..i cant wait to finally attend a camp which i cud have fun and to try stuff which my other pmates have tried at camp fest but sadly i had to miss cos of speech day.mann oh mann..cant wait for tomolo..[quoting from noisan:high le high le..haha]shan go on and on or cant slp tonite..=P
siigghhs.been feeling a lil weird these few days.dunno if i shud say it here.haish.ok nvm.
mental-heart block on someone.sheesh.sorry,but i dun think it's ever going to be the same as before. jus.dun tempt me,reduce my brain into mush,without knowing it.i gess u're that erm.[cant find a apt word for it.]bleh.stay away.mebbe it's all jus a fragment of my imagination.ohwells,it better be in any case.
this is sickening mann.[sighs larh,i know this doesn make any sense at all.]
ugh.
haha..
last entry before obs.coming back as a changed man.or gurl.
wish me all the luck..
|jav| 9:00 AM|
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10/01/04
blogging to prove that im still alive
obs in 2 days' time and i haven packed.look at the list and start freaking out.dun have a big enuff bag to put in all the stuff.nid to borrow from santa claus.feeling a lil scared and excited.
sighs.weally hav nothing to say here.im bored.saturday nite wid nothing to do.
feeling a lil spaced out.
oh yah.lit proj iz due on the tuesday after obs.can someone pls tell me how the hell do we haf the time to do it?romanicism.all i know abt that literary period is that there's nothing 'romantic' abt it.more of the abstract,bringing out more on feelings and ideals then what it really it,which is realism.[question marks??]
clara chow is EVIL.
gawd bless all of us.less sandflies and more fun
|jav| 10:44 PM|
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07/01/04
been bz for the past 2 days..
jus realized how 'heavy' the stuff i write here..
hmm.sec3 now.part c.adapting quite quickly i must say,at least i dun respond to 'part b' anymore.not much anyway=)sch's been cool,all the tchers im getting are v zai.[esp colman chua.that guy rocks sia..and pltmates,im not having a crush on him.i prefer more man guys.i mean,he's a interesting guy larhs.]haha.have chris slatter for chem.he teaches excruciating slow,but i like him..slo and steady.eng and lit-clara chow.geo-mrs koh.math-miss chiew.another gayish tcher for a chi tcher,but he's damn nice too..not intimidating at all..[notice all gayish guys are nice??]
sighs.im scared of growing older and older by the day.the day will come when i have to ask myself what i have been doing for the past 10+ yrs and where im heading.can one do what she enjoys yet also to be able to survive in the world we're living? it's sad doing what u hate doing to support the life u want to live..sure looks like a start of a debate but i dun weally want to continue..so go ahead and chew on it.
i tink im pathetic.naah,mebbe i am pathetic.come to realise that for the most of my 14+ yrs,i have been jus drifting along,not really deciding what i really want to do wid my life..time is precious..it's running out as well..i wanna die wid happy and sad memories racing past my mind,not wondering what i had done..
suddenly feel so empty..
if my current life is a box,it'll be abt 1/8 filled..nc and sch.fullstop.
ok.shall stop playing this song.it's jus too tragic.slo melody[on guitar]wid the pinch of melodrama,sadness and lost-ness..need to snap out of it soon..getting depressed liaos.*(
ciaos
|jav| 1:34 AM|
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