31/12/03
10.34pm-31 dec

sighs.hrs flowing to min to seconds..getting nearer and nearer to being a sec3 and a part c.feeling a lil depressed now.
thinking back,reflecting on how i had spent the yr..with myself,pltmates,friends,mei and parents..taking stock.i think i shud do this more often.cos sometimes things jus spin out of control and im getting weary of trying to clear up the mess i made.and i had made a few messes alright.like schwork..i want to work hard from on onwards.i mean it.sighs.like what carmen said,'im so sick of feeling like a loser'
i wanna work harder and play harder..live life fuller if not fullest..
never to have regrets and be stronger..
i gess i jus made a few new yr resolutions..

is staying alive difficult..it gets harder and harder for me.i noe myself best i suppose.the kind who let things slip if it gets too tough.esp sch work.and my life.never thought u can let life live u and days jus pass eh.i do.cos i had experienced it before.tired.and scared.can someone live my life for me?it's for rent.

so depressed.feels as if i have reduced to nothing but a sigh.
zhen zuo yi dian.it cant be that hard java..u have already been doing this for the past 14 yrs,mebbe not the best person to do it but it's all trial and erros huh.jus have to put in more and see.if not jus try to live without regrets and wid urself..

yah.i gess.peace baby.the balance of yin and yang.and a bit of self-control.



|jav| 5:49 AM|

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30/12/03
how to make a glass of delicious iced-cold milo
-spoon abt 2 1/2 teaspoon of milo powder into glass
-add 2 spoons of condensed milk
-pour boiling hot water into glass[arnd 1/4 of glass]
-add rm temperature water and ice
how to enjoy that delicious iced-cold milo
-wait for arnd 1 min for ice to melt
-stir vigourously
-let the ice to melt for another 3 min
-stir,gulp everything down and burp
[best enjoyed wid chipsmore cookies]


|jav| 12:51 AM|

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29/12/03
so freaking..what is the world coming to..gosh.
jus watched a show which talks abt guys dressing up and putting on make-up[freaks*.can guys even do that?isn there a law against it or something..]haha..quite terrifying..really..i watched a bit while shuddering and even mum says that guy looks so gay.[as in gay gay.not gay happy]
it's sure an overdose or'looks do matter in the end'.hmm.
well as the cliche goes on that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,guilded tombs do worms unfold from ,beauty is only skin deep blah blah blah.but the fact that it does matter in the end.someone once gave me an analogy-he goes to a park lost and asking for directions,he sees two women sitting on the bench.one is the james bond,killer chio woman and another fat and terrible ugly,he wud go to the first one first.shud she be bitchy,he wud then go to the second one.see see?
and clarice once tell me that yah,as sad as it seems,the outward apperance of a person do matter.."can u imagine sleeping next to someone u love but tragicaly ugly looking?"
yah yah..
as for me,i seriously dun give shit.haha.i mean,mebbe im a scardy cat or something,but i'll never put myself with pple im not comfortable with,or pple who can make me feel self-conscious and squirmish.that means,i'll never really mix with multra chio bus or shuang ges.not that pple arnd me are ugly..haha..nonono..pple like shers,shmotie..lemin.they are pretty in the sense that they dun weally care if they are pretty or not.chio or not..
i gess what im trying to say here is,im so used to being wid pple who doesnt care bascially,how they look..how they dress..my pltmates-that it reflects on me not really caring too.vanity-what's that.

back to that chao vain guy on tv,he wears lipstick sia..and mascara.man oh man.i hereby swear that i'm nv nv going out wid a guy hu cares whether his clothes match or not.and definitely not one hu looks merely on the surface and the mirror more than he can to get to know a person from deep down.yups.

i mean,i dun even wear mascara.



|jav| 10:10 PM|

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27/12/03
hey bloggie..realised that it's been quite long since i toked abt the plt and my pmates..so i shall do it now:)

yays..11 wonderful pple whom im missing like hell..they're not perfect flawless pple,but they're almost everything i have..[see?i dun have many many close friends to be honest.one does not need to have many friends to feel loved.]sometimes exasperating,pissing but the experience we gain as we flow from yr to yr is precious..sometimes i wonder if we'll still be together in jc,perhaps mebbe not cos the glue which had been sticking us together is ncc,ironic part being,what made us stay in rgsncc is platoonmates.
good or bad..jus say platoonmates are different from ur usual type of girlfriends in secsch..perhaps in a abstract way,a lil sad too[i feel it sometimes]cos we cant really tok one to one..av once told me that all we tok abt is stuff that needs doing and organising when i remarked to her that i feel weird toking abt pple[or gossiping..]sometimes,when i lie in bed thinking,that moment when you're thinking jus before u fall asleep,that we are close yet not so close after all..sure,we do have problems sometimes,my heart sometimes do break when someone wasnt being sensative or caring enuff,but the chemistry we have,the bond we have wielded is strong..still remember eating out with carmen,av,sruthi and [gosh i forgot how to spell her name.bball player,chao tall korean girl.mus make it a point to spell her name.it's difficult.]saw,ming and sher walking and called out to them.i asked where are the other pltmates and sher was like ticking everyone off her fingers..then ended with,'yah,everyone accounted for'
see?feels safe only when we know where the others had gone.
the not so close after all part being,mebbe it's impossible to be close to so many pple.[12 being a plt is not v big,but ever thought as a clique?12 pple in a clique is huge.]sometimes,i do feel left out and im pretty much sure that other pmates had felt the same way at some point or another..what's there left to say?that we're working towards it..question now arises,do we have the time.
still remember once when i was hurt quite badly by pmates,bruised in there..i was thinking,what's the point..what the point of appearing close and happy together when we're jus tolerating each other inside..yah,sometimes i do think it as tolerating instead of understanding..[notice the difference.]nobody likes confrontations much here..there's once upon a time when i had truthfully told clarice[in prisch] that if she's having a problem with me,jus say it face to face..we dun do that kinda thing in the plt anymore..mebbe that's what i was missing all this time,that dash of truthfulness and that bit of frankness.
well,we're not that all perfect plt.but i guess it's the working towards it,the journey that makes us stronger and closer in the end..
no matter which yr it is,or which part we belong,the motto always stays

heart2heart we will prevail.


|jav| 11:04 PM|

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hey bloggie..half more hr before i need to prepare for tuition..yups.i think a lot and u're my only outlet..so there..
if we can make a plt documentary,i guess this is how it will turn out..
alone:
robbos will be laughing ang joking around with her malay friends..mebbe a bit of acting in drama..wid sg hanna telling her not to act so gay..haha..robbos chatting on msn wih her 'friends' and friends..yelling at bro to get out of her room and leave her alone..bothering jaliyah..
carmen will going home alone on mrt,eiher toking on the fone[wid her jie] or spacing out..or mugging for the upcoming test[she told us yesterday that she's going to mug her ass of next yr.]goes home to sleep..yells into the fone if anyone dares to disturb her in her sleep..wakes up and mug..do homework..mebbe another scene with her toking with her psl friends/seniors..
shers-mebbe a date wid one of her 'friends'[haha..shers,dun think we dun how hu u mix around wid.the question here is,who.jus know along the general direction of guys..]hehs.kaes.dun be so mean larhs..mebbe her writing in her diary and chuckling to herself while chatting on msn..singing jay chou songs..
shmote will be telling her bro to bug off while looking after her sis..toking to wei wei..her mum will be in the hse telling ming to do something for her,shmote looking a bit pissed..but we know she loves her family:)but lately,that carefree girl been thinking abt stuff..so mebbe she'll be looking into space and thinking..
ning will be upstairs messing around at the com,playing with ning yih's hair or yelling at ning mao..organising stuff for the plt,writing all the questions to ask sec3s and doing her homework..sighing..[yah,ning's likes sighing..hehs..our mama of the plt..]
van will be listening to the radio,mum yelling at her to start on homework or clean up her room[room's disaster zone..hehs]..playing wih her beyblade,learn how to draw manga eyes..thinking abt beyblade or yu-gi-oh..switches on the com and play pokemon theme songs..starts on homework then calls one of her classmate for a chat..
lemin will be going out with her friends dressed to high heavens..[she's the chio bu of the plt]smiling and toking at fats..laughing her unique leminy laugh..[she's got her laugh..]looking at cute girley stuff and remarking on them..tok abt chinese pop singers..basically,she's a bit diff from all of us..more ah girl larhs..lemin,dun take to offense kaes..
shawna will be having her blur look on her face..doing homework and mebbe making a birthday present for a friend..looks a lil sleepy and decides to sleep after all..wakes up and listens to chinese pop songs and reading magazines..chats with her sisters..
muddy will be doing her homework straightaway after sch..thinking what other sch work that requires doing..starts early on a assignment which is due 2 days later..hits the com and play gunbound..bro returns home and toks to him abt his day..playing with mr beaver and practising how to tok without moving her mouth..mebbe reading a book..toking to her psl friends..
lulu will be at a fastfood resturant eating with her friends..on those rare times when her mum lets her out..laughing and joking abt..with sarcastic remarks from lulu..takes neoprints and wowing at tiny cute stuff..[she loves those things..hehs]or,mebbe at third lang class toking furiously with the poor girl next to her..toking abt the bad dress sense of her tcher..
nadwill be on the way home looking a little beat..she's got this dao face which says bite me..but we know deep down she's ok..reaches home and starts on homework..then mebbe study a little..drws and paint a bit..mebbe for a friend's birthday..
me-sad to say pple..i have a boring life..ok.here goes nothing..i'll be dragging myself home after sch and plop on mum's bed..sleep till 5,shower and try to do some homework..mind drifts away,got into a poemy mood and start writing..do homework and then hit msn around 10..toking to av on the fone..reading..
together:
we'll be eating together laughing and joking abt..but it'll always be the few ro us..noi san,shmote,carmen,muddy,ning,van and i..sometimes shawna..
[alrite..need to go for tuition now..continue later..]


|jav| 9:09 PM|

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25/12/03
back again..seriously could get used to using the com..hehs*i want my msn back..hu knows where to download huh?[im so an computer idiot in case i forgot to remind myself]need robbos to help me link pmates.and add tag board.sheesh mann.
but honestly,im not one for surfing the net and reading blogs.borring.
feeling warm.sun is so freaking hot.talk abt white christmas.boo.
i miss robbos.v long haven seen her liaos.
need to get sch stuff..
cant wait for sat..
right.ciao




|jav| 3:20 PM|

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24/12/03
oh bloggie..[tears reaching eyes]haha..hey world.im back!!
whees.finally the comp is up and running again..im alrite..adapted to lack of use of computers,also know as computer-less-itis..i survive.but no doubt this thing will soon break down again.no sweat dude..
phews..when was the last time i had the wait for the net to load..v long..many things had happened..oh yah,btw,today's christmas eve..fast eh..having bbq at muddy's hse this sat..cheers..think we're making it a annual thing for the plt.christmas bbq..hehs.oh yah.sighs.next yr..[freaks.]rgsnccpartc04.gosh.okok.
part c ncos:sg vanessa,sg elizabeth,sg jinyue,sg hanna and sg xueying..
they're pretty cool..really..chalet came and went-we were a lil shocked at first when we knew they are going to be our ncos next yr..i gess not really shocked but jus.wells.we predicted,jus prayed against the stars that..yah..ok.dun tok abt it larhs..wanted sg kangya weally weally much..a lil sad to be honest..but our ncos are cool..i mean it..
sg vanessa:she's the a lil crazy one..can be fierce but she's funky..quite funny too..said merry christmas 8 times as she gave us the candy cane
sg hanna:i think she's really zai..quite vulgar but i like..[said shit 3 consecutive times.made the mark mann..]haha..suits us larhs.think she's the kind hu loves but nv show..yah,told us she can be impatient too.
sg elizabeth:among all our seemingly scary ncos,she's the nice,calm and quiet one..oh yah,if she blows,the tendency is,we better run for cover-hope that will nv ever happen tho.
sg xue ying:think she's a lil like sg hanna,zai.gives me the feeling that when we are talking,she's not listening and not paying attention,but the fact is,she is.oh yah,doesn like cliched answers.[which we are so bloody fond of.thing is,sometimes,the answer really has to be cliched.]
sg jinyue:our other ncos told us abt her at chalet.this uniform rule trouble.she got quite pissed at us once for our outrageously low belts and socks.sighs.have to make it a point to pull up our socks.literally.gives me the motherly feeling.oh yah,she has a warm smile.[one weird remark sia.]

think we'll do jus fine next yr..=D

gosh.feeling a lil spaced out..haven been blogging for a long long time..this entry seems a lil impromtu.oh what the heck.then we shall start from here then..
met up with exclassmates on thu,had lunch then lotr3..movie was ok,last part a lil too draggy..had dinner at mcdonalds..haha..next is the interesting bit-we told ghost stories..then time flew..reached home around 10 plus.i noe im not a fabulous story teller so the whole trip seems a lil dry..but i had fun.really..it's a lil strange how we can still tok to each other so easily after these 2 yrs apart,not being in a class..i had fun,and that fuzzy feeling of being with old friends again..quite cool actually,seeing how mei is not even seeing her exclassmates already..yups..having a party next tue..we were like,eh let's meet up again soon and tell more ghost stories..then trying to figure out hu has the hugest house..we sure have a way wih things.fm called esmond and told him we are having it in his hse.yays..haha..
going muds hse on sat for bbq..still remember we had a great time last yr..sighs..i miss my pltmates mann..seems like a long long time since the whole grp of us go for lunch..one huge grp squashed up at a table at lido..think our max was 8..less and less..sobs.with mud and carmen bz for the first week of sch-sec1 orientation-think we can only get togther on the second week..i miss them..miss like hell/shit in fact..thing is,it's not that we haven been seeing each other much lately[went back to sch on thu to put up banners and for armdrills.]it's the good times we had that i miss..the laughter without stress,the time together without worrying..and with next yr being 1 hell of a yr,i not v sure we'll survive..
naah-jav.we will.we must.mebbe im jus worrying for nothing..things will work out jus fine.they always do when it comes to us solving them.
oh yah,know what?on the day before chalet jus when i was leaving ning's hse[we were finishing up the presents]we saw a rainbow..
things do happen for a reason,may it be good or bad.but sometimes,it takes a little more time,curiousity,patience or perhaps plain and simple coincidence to see the beauty of a stormy afternoon.just like when you were sighing and hoping for warm sunshine,you look down at the puddle and see the reflection of a rainbow..
the truth is,that's how i saw the rainbow.on the puddle on ning's driveway.yups.things will turn out fine.
will say it while i can..
rgsnccpartbs03.heart2heart we will prevail.



|jav| 7:33 PM|

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