27/09/03
my ideal life

hehs.been tossing this idea in my head of writing down what my ideal life would be for days already..so here i am..

always wanted to be a psychologist and prolly take psychology in university later..so after studying,hopefully abroad cos there isnt really much work based on psychology here in spore and start being a professional larhs..i think if i can get there,i'll really enjoy my life cos i noe i'll enjoy my work..and what life's all abt is the passion,enjoying what u noe and do best..slog very very hard..then mebbe when i reach my late thirties or so,it's time to take a break..i'll pack up all my stuff,take a yr break and go backpacking..time to open my eyes and take a look at the world..mebbe becos i never had a chance to travel abroad,the idea of travelling fascinates me..being able to mingle with pple all over the world,learn their ways of life,traditions,religions,customs and get to be so close to histroy itself..backpack cos i get to explore on my own and of course it's the cheapest way of travelling..travelling alone is exciting..i guess my love life cannot be rushed..so if the right guy have not appear,i'll be all alone..not scared [take martial arts before setting out.]or lonely cos it's exciting..i mean,how many pple have the chance to do that?perhaps along the way,i might break a few hearts and have mine broken as well..but it's the experience that really counts right..[if im implying that breaking heart is ok,it's not.it's the going that makes a person wiser.]yesh..hopefully my life will turn out to be that way and if i can,not chicken out,nor feel that it's too lonely to travel alone.haha..anyway,after writing all this,i jus realise that i'll prolly get married at 40.which is way too old.
i like this feeling of independence,not being tied down..pure freedom i gess..so god pls dun let me meet the right guy too soon..hehs.

fly like a bird fly away~


|jav| 8:33 PM|

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unidentified.

today had chinese orals which completely suck as usu..hardly prepared for eoys and if anyone asks me why im still here well i really dunno..orals was bad.i can feel lorhs.actually dun even need to feel it cos i completely crapped.then fishball head was like,u liddat then we shall see how lorhs..me wasnt even answering and talking the topic which was-nowadays,more and more teens are thinking abt commiting suicide..haish.i totally see why.who disagrees anyway..
okie dun talk abt depressing stuff..still need to like pass my chinese.ughs.*shakes head*after orals sher ning and i went to meet up with grub and van at city link malls..window shopped a bit,ate at delifrance[it's been a looong time since i last ate a fruit tart..so nice...],then went a lil crazy,sher and i tried on halter tops.obviously i look horrible larhs.like duuuh..haha..eh at least ning and grub saw it kaes..sher was like,dun want dun want...i look like bao ba zhan[direct translation:wrapped dumblings.]oh wells..sher is not fat lorhs.
oh wells.once again,what on earth are we doing in citylink malls trying on halter tops when eoys are a week away?i feel guilty...veh guilty....

hmm..ish finding the right perfect guy that important?veh worried abt j..she's like messing up her life esp now that eoys are cuming..we can all see it in her lorhs..all she does is to live for someone else..where is the independent j i once knew..is she that despo as to so quickly accept this new guy into her life and make sacrifices for him..i wish she'll wake up soon..it's not worth it..c is not worth it.haish..mebbe im not her so i cant say things for her but still as a friend,im feeling damn gek..and the worst part being this whole incident going secretively and it'll turn out weird shud anyone of us mention it..her closest friends have already advised her..but it's not working..ugh.j..pls..living your life is living for yourself..wisely.shud some nice guy come along and u two met,it's jus a blessing..but the thing is,dun let that take over ur life..
sad.relationships are the worst things to tangle with.


|jav| 7:52 PM|

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24/09/03
freak incident

been telling lots of pple abt it today..it happened yesterday..jus for the record tho i noe i'll get the nerves whenever the bus turns into orchard again..trip will never be the same..
yesterday afternoon,av,hannah and i were waiting for miss neo to finish her lessons.then miss neo appeared so we went to talk to her.anyway,she said that she had remembered wrongly and had thought av is from 2/10.she apologised larhs,then tell us we can have her for the whole of thursday afternoon to ask her abt math..so the three of us packed up and head for orchard..hannah wanted to go home while av and i planned to go macs to study somemore..something freaky happened along the way tho..there was this [damned] taxi in front of our bus[190] but for some reason,it suddenly break.apparently the bus also had to break in order not to crash into the taxi.the impact was so great,av flew off and landed 2m away.yesh.im so not kidding..i saw her flying for that few milli-seconds and landed on her back.yups.like matrix.but not veh funny.as for me,cos i wasnt standing straight like dear hannah,i slammed into hannah.hard.ouch man.you noe the phrase 'knock the winds out of you'?yah.like,koff..then major ouch.like pain lorhs.my chest hurt like hell,want to luff later oso pain..hehs.shall stop complaining larhs..btw,hannah damn zai..she din even move.not even stumble sia..standing on her central of gravity so she was glued to the ground.
chao scary..so freaky..still suffering from a frigging bruise on my chest.of all places.av is bruised all over but thanks to her bag,it cushioned her fall and hence her head is protected.phews.haha.but a little bit duh obscene tho..her legs flew up and erms.hehs.but she was wearing shorts.hahahahaha..

it feels good being alive..=D


|jav| 3:13 PM|

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selfish toad.

veh sad..i have been a real big selfish toad..why do i keep having high ecpectations of my pltmates,expect them to care so much but yet i was being the insensative one?

stop it kaes.they need a break too.it's the stresss time now.give them a break.
dun shout scream or yell now gurl.

sorry van..


|jav| 3:33 AM|

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22/09/03
heartfelt gratitude

hey pltmates..jus wanna tell u that you guys were great.u brought pride to rgsncc tho mebbe u guys are feeling all sore and gek abt the second.u guys have proven that rgsncc still have the standard and try not to forget the fact that u weally did your best to bring glory and that fact that some pple out there and there'll always be pple out there who is jus waiting to see rgsncc crumble.or relish the thought of being the pple crushing us.but we're strong and will stay strong.always.
there are setbacks but we'll bounce back.hard.hitting those in the face who apparently thought that we have lost the fierce spirit.yups.

we've got nothing more to lose so we can afford to give in all the best now.perhaps that's the advantage of being a platoon which has a sad sad past.[sounds pathetic sia.cant think of a better way to describe tho.]


|jav| 1:25 PM|

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20/09/03
lucid intervals

sometimes somehow along the way u jus suddenly wake up or politically right in legal terms,having lucid intervals[meaning having this short period of time when one is clear and sound headed] that u realise that all along,you've been with pple whom barely know you at all.put it simply, you have to know someone really well to realise that actually from the start,both of you are strangers.
ning had been strange lately esp when we got presents for ssg zahra..she was so quiet.finally got the chance to talk to her when we were going home together..cud still remember once after god-knows-what lesson in sch[had to stay back for some reason] ning,shmotie and i were having lunch at kfc and they asked why i din turn up at the canteen that morning.trust me,i had felt alienated from my pltmates before.mebbe more that once and the feeling was horrible.not belong anywhere.stuck.recovered after a few days,cast it aside and din think much of it.mebbe i was afraid.afraid that if i were to think abt it,the truth will shine true..being together for the sake of responsiblity..jus an obligation.or issit this thick string that binds us together,made up of frustration,past happy and sad memories and the fact that we'll have the go thru even more in future..
we have taken each other for granted..so much so that everybody thinks everybody else is strong enuff,tough enuff to face the problems they might need to face.so much so we have hurt each other unknowingly and not being sensative..perhaps we have been/are too close.the feeling is getting old,we're getting old and jaded and rugged..
something has to be done soon.cos we'll no longer be the ones listening and carrying out instructions from seniors and be the ones on the giving end.time weally flies.

it's scary and we have to be together.


|jav| 10:48 AM|

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ok.apparently it was easy to misterpret the last line in the lasy entry..so im clarifying it now..there's a difference between 'it's scary and we have to be together' and 'it's scary that we have to be together'..yups
oh yah..today is ssg zahra's bdae..[okie.by right it's yesterday..2.30am now..]met with ning,luch,lemin,shawna and carmen today at causeway point..went to prepare the presents and i bought some candles[i officially declared that i shall collect candles..]did the powerpuff girls window deco thingie[sighs.yah.powerpuff girls.sec4s.hehs]and was chao mad at the pple..the deco turn out burnt..sad horhs..haish..then ning wrapped up the reindeer..the paper bag she made from wrapping paper was not big enuff and she used ribbon and tied up the limbs..so funny kaes..haha..then went to the library to look for ssg..haha..like private investigators liddat..so suspicious looking..haha..ssg came out with 1sg nuraini..brought them to a stairway which was quiet and sang her the birthday song..then toked for a while..both of them din know our plmates are having the orienteering competition today..hahas..

they got second..lost by one point..

kaes it's getting way late..

ciao.


|jav| 2:23 AM|

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19/09/03
ugh..exams are cuming..2 weeks sia..
and tomolo is orienteering competition.oh mann..so scared for pltmates..can nv understand the stress they mus be feeling now esp after what sec3s had said..veh worried but still all the same,all the best for tomolo..[do or die situation..but my pltmates are survivors.they can do it.]crossing fingers*..

tomolo is ssg zahra's bdae..meeting up to complete presents plus study together..



|jav| 6:46 AM|

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16/09/03
thanks robbos..:)
whee--jus lurve the template now..hehs.and i lurve chocs.[btw,randall it's kit-kat i tink.]
i lurve the layout
i lurve my old taggyboard.
i lurve that huge chunk of choc.
i lurve the nice read-able font colours.
whee---
hehs..



|jav| 6:46 AM|

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15/09/03
hey javine. i just need you to like edit the stuffys.. as in the links k. i hope u like the layout. i think it's yummylicious. mwahhahas. =] take care dearie !

<3 robiahh


|jav| 8:43 AM|

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okie..here's the 'spur of the moment' thought i had..hehs.

hais.finals are cuming sia..been slacking like noone's business for the past week..finals..i have to do it sia..celebrating/biaing for msg's presents feeling peaceful and the 'there, i did it tho it wasnt easy..yesh..jav,it's over at last..'that kinda peaceful feeling sia..nono..i have to bia now so can enjoy peacefully later..i plan to get my ass into rp wan kaes..hehs.the journey wun be easy but mus be prepared to sacrifice..sleep,sanity,tv,com..the works..jia you..hm..mebbe i shan sleep tonite..shall try studying with full concentration for once..cos i'll be alone since it will get late it will be quiet..i like early mornings..or midnites when the whole hse seem to be sleeping..yesh even the hse..hehs..so peaceful..i think i'll like living on my own next time..hehs..
watched turn right turn left on wednesday..takeshi is so damn shaui..haha..i think he looks really good in a plain white shirt..ohmann..those time when he was concentrating on playing his beloved violin..those eyes..ughhhh..haha.jav stop it.dun be so hua chi.haha..went with ning and sher..sher and i were like,no-ing so loudly while sqirming at parts where 763092 and 784533 missed each other time after time..the story line is so simple yet touching..13 yrs sia..this movie completely fits into the phrase 'so near yet so far'..haha..funny part is,right up to the end of the movie,we still dunno the name of the characters..the love and strong belief that they were fated for each other was touching..god had certainly helped them..the wall crumbled sia..that will happen like,once in a gazillion times huh..that's called destiny..fate..and in a sense,faith..after the movie the 3 of us were like,wow..13 yrs..wall crumbling..perhaps in real life this wun happen but it certainly helped to remember that there's a someone out there for u..specially for u and it is meantto be no matter what..haha..like even the two extra pple cant replace the one in their hearts..
hm..so jav,bie qi nei..even if u feel like you're the ugliest person who ever lived[hehs.i kinda feel that way myself ever time i look into a mirror.hehs.]there's jus that someone out there made and meant for you..sho sweet right..yah and it pays if u walk the way u never walked before..cos mebbe you'll meet that him in ur life larhs..sometimes destiny needs help too i guess..but even if not,jus take it as a detour and learn more lessons,meet more pple along the way..toking abt true love and destiny,mum was doing some tidying up and she dug out this news clipping..it's abt this singaporean who had found her true love while travelling in some ulu place [a some little town at the himalayan place.i think.yarhs.the town/city sounded downright weird..hehs.pardon my shallowness huh.]which brings back to the point..the one may be really far far away..it takes patience to stumble and fall in love eh..
btw,it will be a plus point if that he knows how to play guitar..wealli love guitar music..the country kind hor mind..haha..naahh..never mind.. meanwhile, i shall be waiting here for u,whoever u are..
power to the mugger toads.jia you jav.u can do it as long as u believe and psche urself hard enuff..
hehs..
shall leave leaving some nice quotes..
-when love is ur greatest weakness, you'll be the strongest person in the world
-sometimes u have to get to know someone really well to realise you're really strangers
-when u relinquish[meaning:destroy..i checked it up on my trusty dictionary]the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness
-people always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly then they have
-humor is a rubber sword-it allows u to make a point without drawing blood
last but not least,my fav quote..short yet sweet..
"not all those who wander are lost"

haha.the first part was kinda lame larhs.like trying to reassure myself or something..[wdv peeps.]hehs.okie.think this entry is way too long..


|jav| 7:49 AM|

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14/09/03
hey bloggie

whees--im back.yesh..after the sad/weary/hurt last entry of my dead and non existant blog..[still remember..the partb camp one]yarhs.so much things had happened during this course of absense.the heart-wrenching pain of sec4s leaving on 2nd august their rod.the once again yearly pain..[ironically,it rhymes.ugh.]sighs.why do we only learn how to appreciate them only they left..i guess you never know what u have until u lost it.thank u sec4s, for having faith in us[oh no.this is all too familar.been doing far too many autographs.hehs.]and for jus being there spiritually thru all the pain we felt and the happiness..yups.tankews.
ppl came and went..panic attacks then phews..were too nervous and hehs.stammered a bit but on the whole i think we did okie.yesh.:)
normal homework with projects..schoolwork..the works.
the usual moodswings[hehs.yes randall.girls love being girls.]and crazy moments with platoonmates..

okie.this is getting way too dreary.wells..anyway,went to watch turn left turn right with sher and ning last wed.
comfirmed:takeshi is shuai.
haha.okie.shall post smtg which i had typed on the spur of the moment on notepad later..

once again,it's good to be back..hehs.


|jav| 10:22 PM|

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